Thursday, 6 September 2018

Another Storm...

You can try and try again a hundred times, you only quit once.

And with that said, I am back at it and writing again. How is it going internet? It's been awhile for sure but here we are again, trying to keep y'all up to date with all my ins and outs that are happening in my little slice of life on this planet. I think I will try to update more, but keep my posts a little bit shorter than some of my previous posts on this page. I want to be doing more and more in terms of art and comic books, so I will try to be posting here more often. There are also a ton of different comic book content that I would love to share with you, friends creating and some looking for funding on projects and they all deserve your attention and love. So let's help these creators out and make these dreams into reality! 

On my part, I am back in school this semester but I am also working away on my pages for Brewgatory. This has been an extremely big and ambitious project for me and I am learning just how much work is involved with making your own story and bringing it to life. But you know, I am so happy to be perusing this goal and there is nothing I want more than to make this comic book happen. I know it has taken me sometime and I thank you for those who have been anticipating this project, means the world to me, so thank you so much! 

Also I want to take this opportunity to talk about the awesome weekend that was Fan Expo 2018! Always great to see friends and colleagues in the Toronto comic book scene, so much talent and so much creativity! I am happy to be a part of it, truly a blessing. 

Thank you so much storm clouds, will be keeping in touch. Until then, keep chasing the Storm. ;) 

Tuesday, 1 August 2017

Artificial Sunlight...

So I want to write an update on my mental health, which I feel is important to do on a day to day or at least a week to week basis. Trust me on this, doing a blog or a vlog to stay in check with yourself is one of the many ways to stay on top. I look at my own demons, my own depression, as a constant and never ending fight, I feel like it's something that will never "go away" so I am not going to bother with that idea. That being said I will constantly do my best to beat this and control it, not let it control me and dictate my head space. So I just wanted to talk a few points, for you friends and for future me if I ever get lost.

So I guess the first thing to talk about is the passing of Linkin Park's front man Chester Bennington. I think a lot of us can relate when I say that LP was our language when we were teens, and granted my music choices have changed over the years and I didn't really hear a lot of their new albums and projects in recent years. But when I tell you Hybrid Theory, Meteora, Reanimation and slightly even though my big brother, Fern swears that it was the worst thing ever, Minutes to Midnight. His death is absolutely tragic, especially considering the family and loved ones he leaves behind, and the many of us who grew up with his voice as ours. Yeah, it was angst but when you are a teen, your confused, pissed and lost in the worst kind of way. I hope Chester finds peace and love in the next world. To everyone one of us who has dealt with suicidal thoughts, depression, anxiety or any kind of mental health troubles; now as always we need to take care of one and other, fight as one. 

So if I had to make a suggestions on the best Linkin Park songs, I would say to check out this Spotify playlist I made just for the occasion, here. My personal favourite might be Numb. I always felt a certain pressure growing up to live up to expectations from my old man that I felt I could never do, feeling like a disappointment most of the times. I know now, that what my dad wants most from me is to be a hard working and honest man, everything else is second to that. And yeah, every single day I do my best to be the best me I can be. 

These days have been weird for me, work is there but lately been feeling underwhelmed, if that makes sense. I just want more, the hours this summer have been abysmal at best, so I am in desperate need of more hours and money. But just more from my day to day job as well. Some say I need to be patient, I am still in school for this very reason, to get a degree and get a better job. But I still feel like I can do better. I don't want to seem ungrateful for my current job at Starbucks, the company does a lot of good for it's employees, but I think I just need more. So I think as soon as I get back I will be looking into another part time job, split the time between the jobs and by the new year part ways with the company. I will always remember the experience, and Brewgatory will be there for me to tell many and many of not only my stories but the the stories of the many incredible people I've had the chance to work with. 

Well that's all the time for today, I have to save my thoughts for tomorrow as well. I've also been meaning to try and update my Magic: The Gathering blog, but I find it rather difficult to place thoughts into words when comes to MTG, hell I have a hard time finalising a lot of my Commander decks, how I am going to write about them? But I want to hear back from you reader, what are your favourite Linkin Park tracks? How are you doing these days? Leave a comment below and let's start a conversation here. Thanks again for the read and until then, keep chasing the storm! 

Sunday, 30 July 2017

Back to the South...

A lot can come and go in a decade. Presidents and parties change power in a country, sports dynasty are made and conquered and technology can look radically different from the start to the finish of these ten years. So needless to say, it's going to be quite the experience when I return to Chile for a few weeks this August. It's been over ten years since I last set foot in South America, and I know I have a lot of reconnecting to do. I am a born Canadian, but I am also a Chilean at heart. My culture and my history is rooted deeply to Chile and all my family there, my last grandparents and my massive expansive Cruz side of the family. I will only have two weeks to make the most of the time there and take back home the knowledge and power that comes with being a Latino in North America. 

I am feeling pretty damn nervous though, not to mention thinking about all the things and projects I am currently working on and trying my best to finish as soon as possible. Not to mention, being away from work is going to place a dent in my wallet, so there is also that to be worried about. A vacation is nice, but it's hard to forget about all the responsibilities that need to be taken care of back home. Lately I find it hard to focus on today, always thinking about tomorrow and the future. I know as soon as I get back from Chile I am going to be focusing on a few goals...

  • Finding more or new work.
  • Working out every single day.
  • Finishing up every single art project.
  • Take care of the ChileanStorm brand.
  • Getting ready for my trip to Japan.

I want to post these here, mostly for me to see them and to be held accountable if I f*ck this up and lose my place on the path in life. I am also placing this here to show you that I have my goals and you have yours as well, and you can do everything you set yourself out to do. If you need support and encouragement, know that I am rooting for you. It's not going to be easy, actually it's going to be extremely difficult. But if I can do it, so can you. 


So I am off to get ready for my Chile trip, I will be planning different locations that I am going to want to see while I am there, although I think I will mostly be in Santiago for most of the time. But if you've got any suggestion for where to go and what to see, by all means let me know in the comments below. As well as what are your goals in the future, what challenges will you be facing? Just want to let you know, you are not alone in this adventure. We can do this! Until then, keep chasing the Storm! 

Wednesday, 7 June 2017

Be Alive...

Hello Friends, today is a pretty simple topic, being alive and being happy.

What a thought eh? But why is this such a big deal to me? Well I think it mostly comes from the fact that a lot of my ideas tend to have a dark undertone of sorts, And I think sometimes, especially with my own history, it's important to look at life and reflect on everything you have going for you. I get caught up at times with everything that I don't have, and yeah, I get into a slump about things. But the reality is, I've got a lot going on these days and a lot to look forward to as well. School has been a great learning experience for me, work has been good as well although I am thinking of looking for new opportunities. I have the ability to go as far as I want to go with my creativity and my craft, and I plan to go as far as possible and beyond. I don't want to become ruled by my fears, doubts and insecurities. 

I've got a lot ahead of me these next weeks as I aim to complete 22 pages of my very own first independent comic book, Brewgatory! It's exciting and fun project, but it's a lot of work! For anyone who has ever tackled this, I am in awe of your power! And for those who are thinking about doing one, by all means go for it, just know that it is a dedication, you can't half ass this one. I am missing out on a lot of social gatherings and outings, but I know this is the only thing that makes any sense to me, there's nothing more important for me. And when you find your passion, you have to go all in. 

I am still waiting to hear back from a certain comic book convention that takes place at the end of the summer, but here is hoping I can get a spot on the floor. This would be the first time on my own at a show, but with the experiences I've had with my friends and brothers in the comic book art scene I aim to take everything I've learned and make my mark in this business. I am not the prettiest, not the flashiest, but God damn it I plan to be a part of this world! Come hell or high water, I am going to be a comic book artist! 

So to you mt dear friend, if you are living with depression or anxiety or any mental health problems, take it from me. You are not your mental health, it is a part of you but it is not what defines you. And even though some days it is harder than others, fight, fight with everything you've got and create something incredible. I know you can do it. 

Until then, keep chasing the Storm. 

Tuesday, 25 April 2017

It's All in my Head...

Hello friends,

I think I had a mental collapse last night. I don't do well with accusations or with hatred, I always take someone else's hatred personally. Why? I don't know. It gets to me though and I sink into darkness, it doesn't help being alone or having your family tell you these wonderful little gems...

"You don't have depression, get over it."

"Grow up."

"Your too old to have depression."

If you are reading this, please, never deny help to a friend or a family member. Mental health is real, just cause your parents or their parents didn't come to term with their own mental health problems, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. And don't tell someone that nothing is wrong with them, you don't know and so you shouldn't say anything. Listen and reach out to help however you can, don't make them feel alone. I know one thing for sure, I need to get more help and see my therapist as well. 

I really hope to be stronger, maybe tomorrow or maybe a month from now or possibly a decade from now, but I just want to be a mentally stronger person. I think I can get there through my work, reaching out to others in the world and trying to change the way we see things. 

Thank you friends, thank you for everything you've done for me. And for you, I will be better and I will be stronger. 

Tuesday, 14 February 2017

The Thing About Love...

Hello friends.

Well it is here, one of the most dreaded holidays, I would even say possibly the most dreaded holiday celebrated here in North America. It is Valentine's Day. A day built on expectations. What you need to do if you are with someone and how you should feel if you are alone. But that is the thing about expectations, you don't need them. I wanted to write to you today, because I know what you might be going through if you are indeed alone this time of year, what you might be feeling. And if I can help you feel just a little bit less lonely, well it would help me out as well.

This year, by societies standards, I am alone. But here is the thing, while I might be on my own today, I know I am loved and I have been loved. And that is something no one can take away from me and they sure as hell can't take it from you. I have some incredible people in my life, I am truly blessed, just on my last post friends wanted to make sure I was alright and let me know they are there for me. I also have an incredible family that while is scattered through out the world in South America, Asia and here in Canada, I know they love me and are always making sure to stay in touch. It would be stupid and ungrateful of me if I didn't recognise all the love in my life, and I know it is hard at times but you need to see and feel all the love around you. 

It's also important to understand the importance of self. In this life you need to be the best you that you can be if you want to share your life with someone, mentally and physically. If I have learned anything from relationships, it's not about doing everything you can so you can stay together. I do mean that you should be the best partner you can be for your loved one, of course, but I think it's about being strong enough in your life with or without that someone by your side. It's never easy to say goodbye or to let a beautiful union go, but the love that was there is something that will always be there. I've been really lucky in my life, I've had some really incredible relationships with some incredible girls, who have grown to be even greater women. And I am really happy to see them living a life filled with joy and surrounded by love as well. And I will be the first to say, nothing makes me happier than seeing my friends and family find true love with an awesome partner, I am a sucker for true love. It's the Disney princess part of my mind for sure, but it's a part of me. 

Do I want to find true love? Well, I've already found it. What I need to find now is a peace of mind, I need to find the man that I am going to be and what I am going to for the world of tomorrow, what role will I play? Because take it from me, you are not a pawn in this game. So aim for the throne, become a queen or be the loyal knight. Whatever you choose to be, go forward with love inside your heart. Thanks for reading friends, until then keep chasing the storm. <3 

Sunday, 12 February 2017

Depression, my monkey...

Hello friends.

It's been awhile since I've written one of these. Especially one that I completely break down all my walls and express myself for a few paragraphs. I hope you get the chance to read this, that would be nice and maybe you get to feel better from this as well, maybe this can help you. Lord knows I could use some help right about now. That is always the hardest part really, getting help. I think it's our nature to associate help with weakness. A lot of times I know I would use alcohol, drugs and especially sex as a form of help. But honestly, I think sometimes it makes it worst. When you don't have the vice of choice, you start to lose your mind even more and more. It's a dark path, and one that I can't go down on again. I am not okay and yes, I need help.

The worst part of all this is really it is my fault for not taking care of my mind in 2016, I didn't seek any professional help in the entire year. And I've been away from a lot of friends and my family, I've felt pretty isolated in a place I decided to move out to, the price of independence and all. I wasn't healthy enough to start a relationship with another person, I sure as hell wasn't ready for when it all came to an end. I am not okay, I am a sick depressed individual who needs to be loved, feel loved and feel wanted. I am not comfortable with my own solitude, and ironically I spend most of my time alone and disconnected. I am doing my best as anyone with depression knows to make face, at work and in public. I don't want to worry my family and friends, at the same time I don't think anyone really understands. And this is part of the sickness, because I am very well aware of all my friends who are fighting their own mental health battles, anxiety and depression and many others. Some are braver than me and post online and make videos talking about it, I don't think I am important enough to do that. Until now that is, I am writing this and trying to reach out to someone, to something. I am not posting this on Facebook though, I haven't logged on in over a month and I don't want to log back in, because f*ck does it hurt to see happy people, beautiful people, perfect people. I can't do it, it hurts way too much.

But if you want to share this, by all means. If it is something you feel strongly about and think others should read, well kudos and thanks. I think if we can talk about this, it would be great. If you feel like this and wanted someone to talk to, I want to be there for you.

I am gonna use this blog to talk to you more, about me and well everything that is wrong with me. I am going seek help, I am going to take care of myself and focus on being the best me I can be. It's not going to be easy, everyday I wake up will be a victory and it should be for you as well. I know I am the only overly emotional f*cker with depression, I am just sharing my story and you should share yours as well. Because we don't hear this too often, but I want to hear your story. I want to know how you are doing and what do you do to stay out of the deep waters of mental health. So expect many more of these kind of posts, I will keep you in touch.

Until then my friends, keep chasing the storm.