Wanted: More Time

I mean really though, don't we all feel this way at this day and age? Remember when we used to be able to have read every book we owned or heard each CD we bought once or twice. Maybe it's content overload or just being easily distracted, I would say it is quite possibly both. I know for sure though that given all the things I am doing these days I am finding myself looking for more time to do it all. I am all ears on any advice on the topic though, so please let me know how I can manage or tips and tricks to handle it all. 

Though I will be the first to admit, I am a consumer. And that probably needs to stop, and only I can truly take care of that situation. But sometimes you try to do something while listening to a podcasts and it gets really good and you stop to pay attention. Does that ever happen to any of you? And what about reading, I want to read more but the only time I get is on my way to work and sometimes I sketch or if I am really drained I will play some video games on my PSP, currently playing Tekken 5: Dark Resurrection. Though I think I am going to leave it behind this week, kind of force myself to read even more. I am trying to do 52 books by the end of the year, so will see how I do. I think making a list here will keep me honest and I can share my progress...or lack there of. 

It probably doesn't help being surrounded by thousands and thousands of Magic cards. I tell you, it is one of the worst and best games ever made. If you have never played, don't start. If you do play it...is it the best?! (I am the human Paradox Engine)

The things I need to do though, for context:

-Get 7-8 hours of sleep every night.
-Wake up everyday at 6:30 AM to get started on the day.
-Make sure my room is clean and tidy.
-Make sure the rest of the house is clean and tidy.
-Posts content on different social media feeds.
-Eat right and on schedule.
-Stay fresh and cleaned up.
-Go to work, I have to leave with roughly two hours for the commute.
-Work for roughly nine hours, sometimes more or sometimes less.
-Back home on the two hour commute.
-Get home, eat some dinner.
-Go to bed at a decent hour and do it all again until the weekend.

Which the weekend can be anything, I don't ever really know what to expect, but I try to do as many things as I possibly can, see people I want to see or perhaps go out for dinner or something. But looking at this now, I can see why I feel short changed for time. Hmm? Well I am going to have to change this up, some way some how.

Stop Running...

What are you running from?

Who are you running from? 

Is this considered running or hiding? Does it even matter? 

Just thinking out loud. Figured I needed to get back into writing and this is the only way that makes any sense to me. But bare in mind, nothing really ever makes sense, not in my head. I am getting annoyed at myself, a lot more so these days than usual. The idea machine, that is what I have become and it is absolutely useless because I haven't been able to take any action on my ideas. I keep making more and more and more; but with no execution. And that is on me. I could blame the world around me, the systems that look to control our actions and behaviors more and more each day or I can just be honest, look at myself in the mirror. I did this by not doing.

Am I distracted? Disjointed? Derailed? 

I don't know for sure, I actually think the answer is all three. But also the solution is right here as well. I need to write more, I need to write everyday. Easier said than done, I know this because I have tried and failed. But I owe this to my good friend and brother, Jake. Man comes to visit from BC and completely fixes my computer tower back to life. Poor old thing was on the brink of death and was way overdue for an update. I have no excuses now. 

I need to do this now, now more than ever. This week at work I have come to terms with aging, my back is starting to give out. I am going to do my best to stay in shape, take care of posture and most importantly make the most of my time. I have to be better at this. My job is a physical job with heavy lifting that I can't do for more than a year or two. I want to pursue my goals and my own ambitions, it is all that matters. And so I need to remind myself every day and night what I am meant to do, prove it to myself. I have no excuses.

I want to bring my characters, my stories, my worlds to life. 

That is all that is left. I don't know what else I am on this planet for if not bringing my vision to life. And maybe this will all be in vain and fall on deaf ears, but I won't know unless I try. And fail. And try again. And fail. And try again. Again. And again. Until I can't hold a pencil or type a word out, on my deaths bed. No excuses.

If I can do it my dear friend, so can you. 

Can you help me stay sharp? 

Thank you.

Back to the South...

A lot can come and go in a decade. Presidents and parties change power in a country, sports dynasty are made and conquered and technology can look radically different from the start to the finish of these ten years. So needless to say, it's going to be quite the experience when I return to Chile for a few weeks this August. It's been over ten years since I last set foot in South America, and I know I have a lot of reconnecting to do. I am a born Canadian, but I am also a Chilean at heart. My culture and my history is rooted deeply to Chile and all my family there, my last grandparents and my massive expansive Cruz side of the family. I will only have two weeks to make the most of the time there and take back home the knowledge and power that comes with being a Latino in North America. 

I am feeling pretty damn nervous though, not to mention thinking about all the things and projects I am currently working on and trying my best to finish as soon as possible. Not to mention, being away from work is going to place a dent in my wallet, so there is also that to be worried about. A vacation is nice, but it's hard to forget about all the responsibilities that need to be taken care of back home. Lately I find it hard to focus on today, always thinking about tomorrow and the future. I know as soon as I get back from Chile I am going to be focusing on a few goals...

• Finding more or new work.
• Working out every single day.
• Finishing up every single art project.
• Take care of the ChileanStorm brand.
• Getting ready for my trip to Japan.

I want to post these here, mostly for me to see them and to be held accountable if I f*ck this up and lose my place on the path in life. I am also placing this here to show you that I have my goals and you have yours as well, and you can do everything you set yourself out to do. If you need support and encouragement, know that I am rooting for you. It's not going to be easy, actually it's going to be extremely difficult. But if I can do it, so can you. 

YOU CAN DO IT!

So I am off to get ready for my Chile trip, I will be planning different locations that I am going to want to see while I am there, although I think I will mostly be in Santiago for most of the time. But if you've got any suggestion for where to go and what to see, by all means let me know in the comments below. As well as what are your goals in the future, what challenges will you be facing? Just want to let you know, you are not alone in this adventure. We can do this! Until then, keep chasing the Storm! 

I Am Retro

I think one day, we will all get to a point in our lives where everything we love will in one way or another become, retro. That is of course the nice way of saying old, the problem with old we associate to fragile, weak and ultimately death. But if Pokemon is the proof of anything it is that some old things never truly die. And now I am at that point in my life, I feel like I am looking back on any memories I can muster, and oddly enough scatter through my fandoms are precious memories of my younger years. I can tell you my first issue of Daredevil I ever bought in a dollar bin or the first Nintendo 64 game that me and my brother purchased on Boxing Day. It seems like a small moment in the massive ocean that is the galaxy of our own existence, but every tiny cell matters. And I think I am getting way better with my memory and if that is thanks to these kind of moments, I am not going to take that for granted at all. 

This past weekend, I turned 30. Welcome to retro,

I wanted to take the time to say thank you, to everyone who made not only this weekend an incredible time but to everyone who was there for me in some way or another. The truth is I wouldn't be who I am without all of you who have touched my life in some way or another.

To my family, everyone in Canada and Chile, you have all always been with me. To my mother, my greatest hero, the strongest person I know. A women who defined herself through love, compassion and kindness. If I can be half of what you are today, I know I've lived a good life. To my father, I missed you so much and these years getting to know each other have been absolutely wonderful. I hope to share more memories with you soon. To my sister, thank you for inspiring my creative mind from a young age, you are so damn talented and creative, you don't need anyone to approve of your talents. Keep creating beautiful art sis. To my brother, you know how much love you, I hated being away from you when we were kids and some days it's hard being oceans apart. But the fact is you have gone where you said you wanted to go, spoken the language you were never meant to speak. Nothing is impossible for you Fernando, and I wish I can show you what I am capable of as well. To my Grandparents as well in Chile, the humble little farm of Maipo, that safe place from my childhood. I know my Grandmother is always thinking about us, having all of us in her prayers and keeping us safe. To my Grandfather, such a kind and strong man, my role model growing up. I will be coming back to see you guys soon. To my uncles and aunts, cousins and nephews as well, I love you guys and not a day goes by where I don't think about you guys as well. And as well to family friends and partners to my parents, thank you for everything you have done for me, I wish I was a better kid some days but I am going to make sure I am a better man today. 

My dream come true...

Caitlin, my beautiful girlfriend. It's only been a year but it has been a wonderful year together, one that I will never forget. You are such a strong and independent women, as smart as you are absolutely talented at all the things you do from dance to guitar and songwriting. You inspire me every single day, to do as much as I can and more every single day. A kind spirit who knows how to love every single creature on this planet. And quick thank you to all the wonderful people I got to meet this year through you, family and friends who confirm to me all the incredible things that you are. And a big thank you to Bella Mae, yes she is a dog but doesn't make her love and energy any less. 

This is Bella, my "Woof Muffin".

My friends, my wonderful incredible strange family. From different times and places, all of you who keep me in your hearts, I can't thank you enough and you haven't seen the best of what I can do yet, so keep watching. But I did want to mention a few names for sure as well, those who have stayed close to me over these years. My roommate and brother, Toby. You are the best dude, the Rocket to my Groot or the Flounder to my Ariel. You've had to endure a lot of my silliness over the years but at the end of the day you've got a big heart inside. You are going to do some great things in this life, you hardworking little dude. To my big brothers, Aaron and Vince and as well as many incredible artist that I have the privilege to call friends; Paul, Kev, Shane, Hugh, Dave, etc. There is a lot but you guys know who you are and you know I love y'all. I wouldn't be half the artist that I am today if it wasn't for your guidance and friendship. Seeing my fellow artist create everyday keeps me inspired as well and makes me want to create more and more. To my fellow brothers, George, Drew and Steve. You guys are the absolute best, it's been an incredible journey so far and I can't wait to see where we all go from here. 

Yes there are many of you in my life and even if I didn't mention you personally, know that I love you and everything you've done for me. 

So yes, this is a big thank you blog, but if I have learned anything in my life it is that we need to be thankful for all of life's little moments and the beautiful people who make the world what it is today. I have seen my fare share of things in my life so far, and yet so little, this world is waiting to be explored. And so I just want to close with a last thank you to you, the reader. I hope you enjoyed this and past posts as well and keep coming back. Until then, keep chasing the storm.

The Elephant in the Room

Well I would feel almost silly trying to write about anything, seeing as I really wanted to do a post on Nintendo 64 and other such things that don't carry that much weight in the big scheme of things. And everyone is trying to make sense of things this morning and I was wrestling with this issue for hours last night, I really need to get my thoughts out there. 

So last night the people of United States of America elected as president, Donald Trump.

Is this the end of days, the beginning of the zombie apocalypse or something catastrophic as such. Honestly, it could very well be. But it could be fearful speculation as well, 4 years from now we could still be here and ready for change. Or we could be 4 years into a yearly Purge celebration. I don't know, you don't know, no one really knows for sure. We may not know what is in store for the USA or the world for that matter, but you know what we do know, our actions. I know that as soon as I am done writing this post, I am going to shower and make some dinner, take out the recycling in the kitchen, I am going to text my girlfriend and tell her how much I love her, I am going to record a podcast with my roommate, I am going to sketch, I am going to go to bed and sleep to be ready for the next day. What I am trying to say here is that we are in control of our actions and how they affect the world around us, regardless of who sits at the top of the political mountain. I have a choice to be kind, compassionate and caring. And just as so, I have a choice to be rude, selfish and close minded. You my dear reader choose the path you walk and the world you create. 

So yes, Trump is president. That doesn't stop you from being someone who raises awareness of the causes that need light, that helps when help is needed, that works towards a better future every single day. You know what you need to fight for, so stand up and fight.

That being said, if things go South all the way straight to hell, you are going to have to fight with everything you've got. And if Trump voters think having him in the White House is a free pass for homophobia, sexist remarks, xenophobia or kind or disgusting behaviour, you couldn't be more incorrect. If you are looking to be seen as the amazing unique snowflake that you think you are, go out and do something with your life. Don't be mad when people get together to raise awareness or fight an injustice in today's world. Everyone has the right to speech, no one has the right to be a human pile of shit. And yes that does mean ignoring women rights, that means not seeing Black Lives Matters as a principal issue, that means not being aware or considerate of sexual orientations and gender pronouns. And if this sounds like too much to do then consider this, it's about opening your world up. Learning about others and how the world is growing and changing everyday. Adapt and evolve, step outside. Hell, I think if we did become more aware of all our different concerns and needs, we could probably joke about it more with new friends. Are people pretty sensitive now in days? Yes, but only because nothing is being done to connect the world together, we use insults and hate to destroy any kind of progress we've made. If someone gets offended, they are allowed to be offended. It's not your job to defend your actions, apologise and get to know them better, you'll make a new friend or two instead. 

So to you, I say this; reach out and help someone who needs help. Stand up and fight for everything that makes us incredible. If you can talk to one stranger on the other side of track, you will see that we are all on the same train that is this life. Let's have a fun beautiful ride together. Keep chasing the Storm.

What Happened?

Disclaimer, today I am writing about what I am going through, it's a bit of a downer but I pick it up. I just want to say that I am fine now, while I have depression, I am still going to do my best to keep it all together. And a big thanks to my best friend, Toby, for being there when I needed someone to talk to. I couldn't do it without you. 

So last Monday, I had a mental breakdown. I was going to kill myself. 

I am not writing this for pity or comfort, I am writing this to make sense of it and to try and understand myself a little bit more. I have a mental illness, call it depression or anxiety, I have it. And yes, this is an obstacle in my life right now, but I know I am not alone, so many of us today are suffering and maybe we are suffering in silence. I don't think I can be silent about this, I am an artist/blogger who is posting his work to the world, and I can't pretend that I am not going through a lot when I am, I can't pretend that I am perfectly fine ignoring the crisis in my head and the problems out in the world. I can't be in blissful ignorance. This world is built on the back of others, it is a take more and give less kind of mentality. My biggest problem right now, is money and the lack of funds in my bank account. And yes I am looking for a full time job, another part time job and anything else I can do to make money. But here is a great and I mean a great misconception, that you can apply to a job and you just get it, that it takes mere minutes. For the greatest necessity on this planet, it sure is one hell of a struggle just to get a job. So if you are one of those sitting on your laurels, comfortable at your job and looking down on those who don't have a job or aren't paid to blow smoke up someone's ass, well f*ck you. I don't think there are any other words for that kind of person. The system is broken and we have created a world were you will be judged on how much money you do or don't make. 

Oh but money isn't everything, right? Sure, that's cute. 

As much as we want to believe in that, it isn't the case. We don't take care of one and other, we take care of ourselves and our families, an extension of us and even then some people skip that. Everything we need and everything we want, it all comes back to money. Even the essentials like shelter, water, heat and food; this is all tied to how much you have. We have created our own prison, and no one is fighting it. We are convinced that we can beat the system. And here is the thing, you don't beat the system, you just get into the pearly gates. Say you make it, as an artist or a banker, you aren't going to look back when you finally reach the top of the mountain. And don't get me wrong, there are people out there who break the mold and help out by giving everything they can and more, and you know these are people who should be applauded and celebrated. But the majority of us in this ever growing population, we can't say the same. After working, paying your taxes and taking care of all the costs, you just want to focus on you and take care of you. But can anyone be blamed for that? I don't think it's fair to say.

Because for me, I want money to have more freedom. I want to have my own place, my own fridge, my own workplace. This is all for me. So while I go off about having to help one and other, as soon as I am making 40 hours of work, I am going to be taking care of me. Yeah, in a way you could say I am full of shit. But here is the thing, I want to make a difference. I want to help out in any way I can, and one of the ways is by looking at depression in the eye and telling it go away. By telling and drawing a story, not about flawless heroes, but about the realities and struggles that a lot of us go through, by letting that lonely kid know he is not alone. I want to tell stories, I want to open eyes and open minds, I am going to do that through my craft. This doesn't make me any better or worse, but in the words of the great punk icon, Ian Mackaye...

You tell me that I make no difference

At least I'm fuckin' trying

What the fuck have you done?

No matter what happens, I have to try. And I am probably going to feel trapped again, I am probably going to feel like I am drowning next month, but I have to fight, more importantly I have to live. I will be going to a doctor as well, I need to clean out any demons that might still be inside my head. I want to live and I want to make a difference. And I want others with depression or anxiety to be able to know, that we can make it, no matter what, we can make it. 

I hope someone gets to read this, if you do read this, let me know. Tell me what you fear, your doubts and more importantly what you want to do to make the world a greater place. How do you deal with your demons? I don't want to be a downer, I think there is a lot of beauty and joy in the world, and we should never forget that. Life is here to be enjoyed, regardless of the challenges we face. Onwards, keep chasing the storm.

Do Busy Bees Fly...

Okay, so it's a little crazy how much you can do in just a few days.

I wanted to posted something from all the past days that have past by since my last post, but I am going to have to sum things up a little. You get busy living or you get busy dying as they say. And let me just say to everyone, take every chance life gives you. I know it's a simple philosophy but make the most of your time and have as much fun as you can.

Last Saturday:

A big thanks to everyone who came out and to Gauntlet Comics for having us at the store. If you missed Artist Day, we will back in the summer, so bring your sketch covers and your ideas and we will do it up for you. A lot of drawing was done by all of us at Spent Pencils and it was a full house of talent from the entire crew. I myself got to work on two different covers, a Thor cover with the current villain, the Godkiller. A great story so far by the way, so if you're looking for a great fantasy based comic, check out Marvel Now's Thor, an awesome read. I also did an Avengers cover, with goat Avengers. Yup, goat Avengers. I got to say it was a lot of fun to work on that cover, I may have to do one as well later on. So stayed tuned if you want your own goat sketch cover.

I also sold a few original sketches and my very first sketch cover from Uncanny Avengers. Again, thank you to all the amazing staff at Gauntlet Comics and all the fans who came out to enjoy in the art celebration. I can't wait to come back, a lot of love from Orangeville.

And of course, what kind of Spent Pencils get together wouldn't be complete without a trip to Denny's.

Last Sunday: Wrestlemania baby!

Now I don't know about you, but I had a blast watching this years Wrestlemania. And yes, you could be nit picky about some matches and outcomes, but on my end of the woods, I had a blast watching and enjoying the show with friends. A whole lot of snacks and food made sure we didn't go hungry during the show, and more then enough drinks to boot.

As I predicted earlier, the match of the night was without a doubt the Undertaker and CM Punk. But they also had the best entrances this year, with my vote to CM Punk for entrance of the night, with Living Colour playing him in. Another quick note, I felt that both main event sequels redeemed themselves from their first match ups. An awesome good time, I can't wait for next year.

Last Night:

It's not everyday that you get the opportunity to go see one of the greatest rock acts today out of the blue. But that's exactly what happened last night when I got the chance to go see Muse with three friends, with a big thanks to my big SP brother, I can't thank you enough.

I honestly didn't know what to expect from this show, I've heard plenty of different tunes from them but I didn't know how they would play live. Man, these guys were amazing! My one and only complaint was that I wanted the show to be longer. I never thought I would get the chance to see Muse play live, but when they come back to Toronto, I definitely want to go back and see them. And I highly suggest you go see them as well.

Well that's pretty much sums up everything so far, not to mention going to work, catching up with friends and working late on my projects with the SP family. Needless to say it's been pretty hard to find the time to sit down and blog, but when I can I will. So take note and get moving, we got to make the most of the time we have here and now. Get living.

Dave can't believe it's past 2 AM and everyone is still up. :P