No Mo Heroes

Time is a strong force isn't? Through time a lot of things can happen, time can patch grudges up and can connect to different memories. The strongest aspect of time however is change. Because as we move through our own time, without a doubt we all change. Sometimes we know it and we can control it, for some they don't even realize it is taking place, change is happening wether you know it or not. I bring up time and the power of change today because I wanted to address a few changes that I am slowly but surely noticing, changes in my life that I am working on and changes that no doubt happened without me realizing it was taking place. And trying to make sense of it all and share it with you here today, because I know I am not the only one in the world who may feel this way.

THIS WAS MY LIFE. 

I am not sure if you know or not, but I am an artist. Been drawing my whole life, but only three years ago did I get some real help and guidance to do something with my love of drawing. I am also a pretty big geek, always have been. My love falls into practically every category, from video games to comics to movies to music to fantasy to sci-fi to table top games to collectible card games and etc, but you get the point. I had Pokemon cards, still have my original collection actually. I still have every single console I ever bought and game as well. I have a sorted collection of thousands of Magic: The Gathering cards. What's my point though with all this? Well through out this 2015 year, which admittedly has been one of the most difficult years of my life, I have had to do a lot of soul searching, looking in the mirror and honestly trying to understand what is it that I see in the reflection. Because the reality is, I have been Alvaro Cruz, the geeky fanboy for a long time and the fact is it now time for Alvaro Cruz, the creator. I have to place my energy, money, attention to creating as much as I possibly can, to get my ideas out of my head and out to the world. To be known for my stories and characters, that time needs to be now! I know I have spent a lot of my energy on being a fan, looking up to other characters that I love and other artist that I admire, but at some point I have to take off and get my name out there. 

So what does this mean for me? Well it means I will be drawing way less Daredevil and way more Glass Prison. That being said, there are a few things I want to make clear. I am still a huge geeky fanboy, I can't change that. I am going to still buy comics, just not on a weekly basis. I will probably get maybe one or two here and there, but try to do some con shopping more. I am still going to play video games, because my mental health depends on it, just a half hour a day could do some good for you. I am still going to play Magic with my friends, because it's easily one of the best things to do when we meet up and get together. The only thing is now, my main focus will be creating content and working on my projects, promoting my stuff and do my best to improve on my art. And if you are an artist who also happens to be a fanboy/fangirl and you are wondering what you should do...? Well only you can decide that, it needs to be your decision, not anyone else's. Besides we love our fandoms and our collections for various reasons, it could be our way that we connect with friends or the way we unwind after a long day at a part time job, whatever the case these are important things to all of us and we should have them in our lives. But when you are ready to make change, time will be there to do it. 

Still very devoted to my Parun, Niv-Mizzet.

So I must let long time readers know, that now Storm Watch is going to more about the actual me, ChileanStorm. I want to also take the time to share my new blog page as well, Cell 7, the official blog to the Glass Prison comic. Please check it out, follow it and tell as many people about it, doing my best to get this project off the ground and every/any kind of support means a lot to me. So thank you guys for reading and I am going to do my best to keep both pages going as much as I possibly can, been going through a lot these past few months and trying to make sense of everything around me, I also want to have this be an open space for us to talk, I want to face my depression and anxiety head on here, I want to share as much love as I can through these words. Thank you for reading and until the next time, keep chasing the storm. 

What Happened?

Disclaimer, today I am writing about what I am going through, it's a bit of a downer but I pick it up. I just want to say that I am fine now, while I have depression, I am still going to do my best to keep it all together. And a big thanks to my best friend, Toby, for being there when I needed someone to talk to. I couldn't do it without you. 

So last Monday, I had a mental breakdown. I was going to kill myself. 

I am not writing this for pity or comfort, I am writing this to make sense of it and to try and understand myself a little bit more. I have a mental illness, call it depression or anxiety, I have it. And yes, this is an obstacle in my life right now, but I know I am not alone, so many of us today are suffering and maybe we are suffering in silence. I don't think I can be silent about this, I am an artist/blogger who is posting his work to the world, and I can't pretend that I am not going through a lot when I am, I can't pretend that I am perfectly fine ignoring the crisis in my head and the problems out in the world. I can't be in blissful ignorance. This world is built on the back of others, it is a take more and give less kind of mentality. My biggest problem right now, is money and the lack of funds in my bank account. And yes I am looking for a full time job, another part time job and anything else I can do to make money. But here is a great and I mean a great misconception, that you can apply to a job and you just get it, that it takes mere minutes. For the greatest necessity on this planet, it sure is one hell of a struggle just to get a job. So if you are one of those sitting on your laurels, comfortable at your job and looking down on those who don't have a job or aren't paid to blow smoke up someone's ass, well f*ck you. I don't think there are any other words for that kind of person. The system is broken and we have created a world were you will be judged on how much money you do or don't make. 

Oh but money isn't everything, right? Sure, that's cute. 

As much as we want to believe in that, it isn't the case. We don't take care of one and other, we take care of ourselves and our families, an extension of us and even then some people skip that. Everything we need and everything we want, it all comes back to money. Even the essentials like shelter, water, heat and food; this is all tied to how much you have. We have created our own prison, and no one is fighting it. We are convinced that we can beat the system. And here is the thing, you don't beat the system, you just get into the pearly gates. Say you make it, as an artist or a banker, you aren't going to look back when you finally reach the top of the mountain. And don't get me wrong, there are people out there who break the mold and help out by giving everything they can and more, and you know these are people who should be applauded and celebrated. But the majority of us in this ever growing population, we can't say the same. After working, paying your taxes and taking care of all the costs, you just want to focus on you and take care of you. But can anyone be blamed for that? I don't think it's fair to say.

Because for me, I want money to have more freedom. I want to have my own place, my own fridge, my own workplace. This is all for me. So while I go off about having to help one and other, as soon as I am making 40 hours of work, I am going to be taking care of me. Yeah, in a way you could say I am full of shit. But here is the thing, I want to make a difference. I want to help out in any way I can, and one of the ways is by looking at depression in the eye and telling it go away. By telling and drawing a story, not about flawless heroes, but about the realities and struggles that a lot of us go through, by letting that lonely kid know he is not alone. I want to tell stories, I want to open eyes and open minds, I am going to do that through my craft. This doesn't make me any better or worse, but in the words of the great punk icon, Ian Mackaye...

You tell me that I make no difference

At least I'm fuckin' trying

What the fuck have you done?

No matter what happens, I have to try. And I am probably going to feel trapped again, I am probably going to feel like I am drowning next month, but I have to fight, more importantly I have to live. I will be going to a doctor as well, I need to clean out any demons that might still be inside my head. I want to live and I want to make a difference. And I want others with depression or anxiety to be able to know, that we can make it, no matter what, we can make it. 

I hope someone gets to read this, if you do read this, let me know. Tell me what you fear, your doubts and more importantly what you want to do to make the world a greater place. How do you deal with your demons? I don't want to be a downer, I think there is a lot of beauty and joy in the world, and we should never forget that. Life is here to be enjoyed, regardless of the challenges we face. Onwards, keep chasing the storm.

Diary of Glass: Entry 6

I finally got around to scanning the pages for issue 0, taken me much longer then I thought it would. Then again working on this book alone, it has taken me longer in general. I never accounted for life, work and all the other little things in between. But finally scanning the pages, I can start to clean them up on Photoshop and get to lettering as well, all the steps until I get it done and send it out there. And I mean that in of itself is going to be a new learning process for me, so I am learning and working as I go on this, I just hope it can still be a good presentable product. The thing is, looking through the pages I realize, and I will consider this especially moving forward, I need to work on panelling better. Maybe I am being critical or picky here, but while I like how each page looks on it's own, I don't think there's a good flow in general. But live and learn, I need to pay more attention to all these different elements, I mean especially considering the amount of comics I read and analyse.  

So since I did get a chance to scan the pages and all, let's take a look at one of the pages that will be in Glass Prison #0. Consider this like a backstage pass into the making of Glass Prison, a commentary of sorts, except your reading, so sound excited or something like that. I am not sure if I have a good voice for commentary of sorts or anything like that.

So first up, this is a straight up scan, I didn't clean it up at all. The raw presentation of it all, from pencils to inks. With this page, it plays with the idea of Jason, the main subject of the story, going in and out of reality and the nightmare world of his own sub concious.One thing I want to play with as an artist and as a story teller is distortion, warping the world and the characters around however I see fit. Playing with limbs and the faces is a lot of fun and through the shapes I am looking to present different elements to the panels and pages. In time I want to master the idea of distorting even the panels, melting them or as you see here, broken glass panels, telling the story of a broken man. The idea here is having Jason hold his hand for help, as if he was drowning and needed a hand to save his life. The only thing he gets is another bottle of nameless beer, another drink. The other hands reaching out are the "warden" demons, I wanted to have it seem like they are the ones getting Jason a new bottle to refresh his addiction. A few the hands stand out a bit better than some of the others, I need to make sure to flesh out all the little details on these monsters, especially considering how important they are to the story. In the last panel, I wanted to have Jason look pissed off, his anger at his own weakness and inability to quit, to be able to be free. In the story, the alcohol and drugs play out as the walls to Jason's prison. I know that Jason wants to be free, he wants to clean up his life. But at this point in the story and early on, he needs to honestly look at his life and be ready to face his past if he wants any chance at a future. He wants someone to save him, but he is unable to take it upon his own to do anything. I need to work on my backgrounds more, especially on the top panels, I couldn't think of an appropriate background, so I decided to leave it alone for now. 

So, what do you think?

Please let me know, any kind of comment or suggestion, I am all ears. As a new comic book artist and storyteller, I need to listen as much as possible. So let me know what you think, I need all the help I can get. And hopefully you are enjoying this process as well, I want to try and update every week and as I am going I am trying to write up five blogs per week, staying up late and drinking a lot more coffee. Be sure to check out the previous entries in my Diary of Glass series, you can see how I wanted to rush this out and how I decided to just do a good job and see the process along the way. Thank you again for reading and until next time, keep chasing the storm. 

Diary of Glass: Entry 5

It's been a long time since I've been able to talk about anything related to my pet project, Glass Prison. I was working away on both issue zero and issue one, then life happened and it took a back seat to practically everything else, which was my fuck up. I want to blame this on having a lot of different birthday celebrations  and picking up more hours at work, lord knows Visa is still looking to murder me (I think), but the cold truth of it all, it's on me. I haven't found the time to sit down and finish it up, but issue zero is practically finished, I just have to but some finishing touches to it and send over to the scanners. At which point I still need to clean it up on Photoshop, letter it and put it all together. But God damn it, this is a lot of work! And look I am going to slay this fucker one way or another, this book will happen, but the reality is I am an out of shape guy who gets home drained from his job after 8 hours of service and cleaning. And I still got tons and tons of things I need to learn as an artist and as a comic creator, I still look at my work and think and know I could have done things differently, better. And I still got to draw out issue one, which I need to get more paper and actually I might have to remove a page, I may have written 25 pages for this 24 page comic. So plenty to do, and I think I know what I want to do to improve these current problems...

One, me and my brother are going to sign up for a gym. We figure it's a good time to meet up and work together, he is already in shape though, me, I've got a gut to slay and roll out some rolls. That's the reality of things, and not to mention you can get pretty inactive sometimes in the winter, so best work it off. But it's also something I want to add to my daily routine, after or before work, something to keep me going with stronger energy. And then by the summer time, all the selfies! Maybe. Most likely. I apologize now in advance. 

Two, I need that drafting table and a good chair for work. My current set up right now has my computer and whole bunch of other things, mainly different collectible blind bag figures. Coolest one being...hmmm...I've got to give that to the Mega Man helmet (Red variant)that I got from Loot Crate. But yeah, while this spot is great for digital work and for blogging, I need to make space for a work table, a place I can go to and attack any project I got. That and I want a board to see what I have to finish and all that jazz, organize myself to a greater scale. I want to be an artist, I got to start taking this shit more seriously. With this work space, I can also study more techniques and practice more and more.

But there you have it, that is what is going on with me so far and the Glass Prison. I have not forgotten this project and I will not stop until this done and finished, this is something I have to do, come hell or high water, I need to do this. And thing is, here in Toronto, we got guys doing some absolutely incredible work, a lot of guys who I want to be to hang with, to be able to say that I am part of that collective. Because now, I can't say much to my name, I am invisible as far as the world of comics is concerned. I want to change, I want to be known and I want to tell my stories. So if you've been following me and my work so far, a big big thank you to you and continue to do so you incredible wonderful person, thank you! Until then, will see what I get done when the next update rolls around, which I am going to try and make sure is once per week. So until then, keep chasing the storm! 

Diary of Glass: Entry 4

If I ever leave one piece of me on this planet, one nugget of wisdom, it is this...

"I am not crazy, I am just lonely."

Something I found out this week, officially. Been feeling out of my skin for a few months, like what I am doing and where am I going and who is going with me. A lot of questions, basically going out of my mind for the most part, which sucks, not a good place to be in. If you've follow me on Twitter, you may have seen some late night rants, tweets about my own fears and insecurities, which are there and trust me they are real. There's so much that just doesn't make sense to me, and I need some answers, I need something or someone to make it all make sense. I think we all do. This project, this blog as well, it has helped me in trying to make sense of all this insanity within my head. But according to my doctor, this happens to artist, this is a challenge. I mean this is the thing that will make me or well it will break me. 

The Glass Prison while being a very personal project, it is also the only thing I ever wanted to do. Tell stories and create worlds and characters, bring them all to life and share it with millions and millions of different people across the globe. I want to create for a living, I want to make comics, I want to bring them to life on movie theatres or video games. I want to be an empire, I want to make money, I want to be known. There are no other options for me, this is all I know how to do and it's what I love. And sure, you can look at this and call me out for being too ambitious, head in the clouds, aiming high or just not realistic, but why settle for less? Why tell yourself that it's not possible? I want this and I am going to get it, come hell or high water. 

That being said, all of this process, the creating and the hours of work, it gets lonely here. 

And that's just the way it is, atleast for me and a lot of other creators, except those lucky ones who have found a partner, hold on to them tight. Anyone who is willing to put up with a creator or an artist is an absolute gem of a person and should be praised. I look at myself and I see a guy who is impossible. I am a 27 year old, Pansexual, male who is out of shape and looks like he hasn't slept in days, spends most of his free time in art, creating worlds of demons and stories of mental disorder, a super geek who loves to collect comic books and video games but is also a big fan of hockey and wrestling, a passionate fan of music in general and has an appreciation for fashion. On paper, I don't make any sense, by all laws I shouldn't even exist. So how the hell can I expect anyone to understand that? Maybe I can't, maybe I am not meant to. For everything that I want to be, maybe being a father or a husband or even a boyfriend, just isn't in the stars for me. But one thing I have been many a times is wrong.

Tomorrow, this could all change. I don't know what tomorrow brings, tomorrow could be the start of a new story, of a new adventure and of a new meeting. For all I know, tomorrow could be the day I find Mrs or Mr Right. And you know what, maybe they're just a strange as me on paper or even stranger. Anything is possible, and that is the most exciting thing about tomorrow, that anything is possible. 

So while this will be the hardest, most difficult month of my life, I am ready for it. I know I can do this, I know I am not alone, because I feel the love, friendship and guidance from all my friends and family. This book would be impossible without all of you, and I love you all for it. 

So do the impossible as well and I will see you at the top, keep chasing the storm. 

Diary of Glass: Entry 3

No rest for the wicked. That is something for sure to be said, with under a week to go and with every second counting, for the second time this month I got sick. It's mainly allergies to dust, which luckily my shared living space here has got plenty of dust to spare, dust for everyone. And when you are away most of the time, yeah things end up collecting a lot of dust. Part of me thinks that is some kind of strange metaphor for my current state of life, things collecting dust and why it makes me sick. I might be onto something here, maybe. Regardless Storm Clouds, I have got some good news, I finished up the cover, so that's going to be getting scanned up today! If you follow me on Instagram, and if you don't follow me at ChileanStorm, you would have seen that I posted up five images, each of the five "wardens" of the Glass Prison. I will be posting them here, so take a look and see what you think...

Greed

Indulgence

Desire

Pain

Guilt

The five demons or the five wardens are the main antagonist of the Glass Prison story, while they are here to drag Jason down into eternal damnation, each of them has their own agenda and story. While some mainly want to conquer and dominate the mind, others are looking for something even greater and much darker. I want to go into greater detail for each of these guys, but I can't give away too much, it ruins the story and the surprise of it all. 

So get to know these five monsters, they will be here for awhile.

Well that's all I got for now, if you have any questions or comments, you can ask down below or you can give me a follow on all the different forms of social media, ChileanStorm for practically everything I do. I will be back tomorrow with a new blog, until then keep chasing the storm! 

Diary of Glass: Entry 2

Big news everybody! (Always wanted to open a blog like that)

So just this past weekend I was able to put the last finishing touches on my first small comic book project, Part-Timer. The project was from the 12 hour comic book challenge back in the Spring, and was something I've been meaning to finish off for sometime now. My hats off to any comic book creators who can pull off the challenge, like Shane Heron and Ricky Lima, who created their sci-fi adventure from this challenge, Black Hole Hunters Club. Great stuff guys! And if you guys have yet to read these books, go here right now and give them a follow. But yeah, I finally finished my little 12 page book. And with that finished, it will be part of the zero issue which I am going to try and finish for Glass Prison, so fans and curious people can get a sneak peak of what to expect from this nightmarish journey. 

So Part-Timer as the name goes is about a part time worker. We follow this nameless dude through out his day, and you get to see how he goes about it. In each page we see what small daily task he is doing at work, and the extreme measure he wants to take to escape them. I don't want to give away any more, but if you have worked a part time job before, then you could probably relate in some way or another. Although the character is also very drastic, you are most likely not as exaggerated. 

So yeah, that's one for the books, onto the next 8 pages and one mighty cover. And all this to be done by next week. Draw, ink, letter and print. Time to make a f*cking comic. Come on Storm Clouds, time to kick some ass! 

Reblog, post and all that other good stuff and of course, keep chasing the storm. 

Diary of Glass: Entry 1

Remember back when, I said I wanted to make a comic book. Well welcome to today, I am doing it and it is going to happen, and while this may be the most personal and time given project I will be working on, I know still that it is going to be rough and flawed, I know this, but the one thing I need to do as an artist and a storyteller is do it, I need to do it and keep going. So with that I am proud to say, that on November 26 2014, I, ChileanStorm will be releasing at retails here in the GTA and page by page on the weekly web-comic site, The Sequentials, a trip into the broken mind of the Glass Prison! This was the first project I wanted to do since joining the comic book artist community here in Toronto, and I feel like the need to release this project instead of being just another fan artist is essential to my future, I want to do this for a living, I want to be known as a storyteller and an artist. And so, I wanted to do start writing up my daily progress of each day as I work away to the deadline, so you can follow my progress and share thoughts and opinions as well. This will be a long ride and it will take some long hours to finish what I've started here, but for me there are no other roads left, time to start running.

I will give you guys a little synopsis on what the Glass Prison is all about for today's entry...

For those of you who are progressive metal fans, you may have noticed that this book shares the same name as the title track of Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence from legendary band, Dream Theatre. Give yourself a bonus star point, you would be absolutely correct. The song itself, an incredible musical journey based off Mike Portnoy's rehabilitation from alcohol abuse, it's the first three of the twelve step program. As far as music goes, absolutely brilliant! By far my favourite track from this incredible band, the thought that goes on behind the words of the lyrics to every rift and note is mind blowing, absolutely perfect execution. As far as music goes, I can honestly say Dream Theatre is near untouchable as masters of their craft. So needless to say this was just one piece to my idea...

The other element is more out of tragedy. A few years back, a distant friend, Kyle Miller, passed away. For many years Kyle had an extreme problem with addiction, drugs and alcohol. By the time of his passing, I had lost touch and contact, a lot of us did. I was angry at him, upset, I never could understand why he couldn't save himself, I felt that since I was able to put those vices behind in my own life, that he would be able as well. But we had very different lives, while both poor financially the one thing I had was always a lot of love at home. I need to pay a tribute to him, I need to tell a story about him in some way shape or form, I need to forgive him and myself for our mistakes. 

So taking the song, Kyle and the elements of my own mind, I created Glass Prison. The story that centres around a young recovering addict, Jason, who is trying to regain control of his life. Unfortunately for our hero, he is haunted by many of his inner demons that nightly take him down to the dark corners of his mind, down to the glass prison. And what happens when the dream is real, when you can't wake up from the nightmare, when you can't escape the prison. Jason will have to travel the dark hallways of his twisted psych and find an escape if he ever wants to see the light of day and the chance of hope ever again. 

So that's the plot. What do you think? Is this something you would like to see and read? Interested at all? Well let me know on the comments below or on Twitter (@ChileanStorm) and we can go on about the progress of my project. But now that you know the plot, be sure to come back and check often on the progress of the Glass Prison. A lot to do in the next days and weeks and a lot of ground to cover, but will be on this journey together. Be sure to also follow the #GlassPrison on all social media forms, I will be doing my best to update as much as possible, until then, keep chasing the storm. 

Awake/Asleep

Not sure which I am right now.

You know that moment, when anything seems as real or as unreal as it could possibly be. I think my mind is in that state, maybe, this is insomnia or maybe it's something else completely. Regardless, my mind will not shut down. This is why I don't dream, because I am stuck in this state of limbo. The only thing I feel lately, is numb. And loneliness. I feel that too, but I try to shrug it off, after all I've got a lot of years ahead of me, so you know get used to the idea and concept of being alone. It's not so bad. 

Been working on the Glass Prison, it helps when I am in this state. After all the main character, Jason Miller, is a tortured soul who is trapped in the horrors of his own mind and memories. So helps trying to get the right idea for him and all that. The one character, who is one of the many demon like manifestations, that I am currently reworking is the demon known as Guilt. Naturally it's based off the feeling that is guilt...

Guilt: The fact or state of having committed an offence, crime, violation, or wrong, especially against moral or penal law; culpability.

With this in mind, I wanted to create something that looked like it was in pain, it's very existence caused it damaged but it was eternally forced to serve a long sentence within the prison. The idea is that while Guilt is indeed a demon creature, it serves more as mentor in some ways to Jason. He is forced to look upon this creature and see what memories created him. By facing his guilt head on, Jason can then focus on conquering the other demons that await him deep inside. 

So that's a little sneak peak into what I am working on, if you want to find out more, let me know and I can do a weekly Glass Prison update. Keep it locked on this channel and tell your friends all about me, follow the storm!