What Happened?

Disclaimer, today I am writing about what I am going through, it's a bit of a downer but I pick it up. I just want to say that I am fine now, while I have depression, I am still going to do my best to keep it all together. And a big thanks to my best friend, Toby, for being there when I needed someone to talk to. I couldn't do it without you. 

So last Monday, I had a mental breakdown. I was going to kill myself. 

I am not writing this for pity or comfort, I am writing this to make sense of it and to try and understand myself a little bit more. I have a mental illness, call it depression or anxiety, I have it. And yes, this is an obstacle in my life right now, but I know I am not alone, so many of us today are suffering and maybe we are suffering in silence. I don't think I can be silent about this, I am an artist/blogger who is posting his work to the world, and I can't pretend that I am not going through a lot when I am, I can't pretend that I am perfectly fine ignoring the crisis in my head and the problems out in the world. I can't be in blissful ignorance. This world is built on the back of others, it is a take more and give less kind of mentality. My biggest problem right now, is money and the lack of funds in my bank account. And yes I am looking for a full time job, another part time job and anything else I can do to make money. But here is a great and I mean a great misconception, that you can apply to a job and you just get it, that it takes mere minutes. For the greatest necessity on this planet, it sure is one hell of a struggle just to get a job. So if you are one of those sitting on your laurels, comfortable at your job and looking down on those who don't have a job or aren't paid to blow smoke up someone's ass, well f*ck you. I don't think there are any other words for that kind of person. The system is broken and we have created a world were you will be judged on how much money you do or don't make. 

Oh but money isn't everything, right? Sure, that's cute. 

As much as we want to believe in that, it isn't the case. We don't take care of one and other, we take care of ourselves and our families, an extension of us and even then some people skip that. Everything we need and everything we want, it all comes back to money. Even the essentials like shelter, water, heat and food; this is all tied to how much you have. We have created our own prison, and no one is fighting it. We are convinced that we can beat the system. And here is the thing, you don't beat the system, you just get into the pearly gates. Say you make it, as an artist or a banker, you aren't going to look back when you finally reach the top of the mountain. And don't get me wrong, there are people out there who break the mold and help out by giving everything they can and more, and you know these are people who should be applauded and celebrated. But the majority of us in this ever growing population, we can't say the same. After working, paying your taxes and taking care of all the costs, you just want to focus on you and take care of you. But can anyone be blamed for that? I don't think it's fair to say.

Because for me, I want money to have more freedom. I want to have my own place, my own fridge, my own workplace. This is all for me. So while I go off about having to help one and other, as soon as I am making 40 hours of work, I am going to be taking care of me. Yeah, in a way you could say I am full of shit. But here is the thing, I want to make a difference. I want to help out in any way I can, and one of the ways is by looking at depression in the eye and telling it go away. By telling and drawing a story, not about flawless heroes, but about the realities and struggles that a lot of us go through, by letting that lonely kid know he is not alone. I want to tell stories, I want to open eyes and open minds, I am going to do that through my craft. This doesn't make me any better or worse, but in the words of the great punk icon, Ian Mackaye...

You tell me that I make no difference

At least I'm fuckin' trying

What the fuck have you done?

No matter what happens, I have to try. And I am probably going to feel trapped again, I am probably going to feel like I am drowning next month, but I have to fight, more importantly I have to live. I will be going to a doctor as well, I need to clean out any demons that might still be inside my head. I want to live and I want to make a difference. And I want others with depression or anxiety to be able to know, that we can make it, no matter what, we can make it. 

I hope someone gets to read this, if you do read this, let me know. Tell me what you fear, your doubts and more importantly what you want to do to make the world a greater place. How do you deal with your demons? I don't want to be a downer, I think there is a lot of beauty and joy in the world, and we should never forget that. Life is here to be enjoyed, regardless of the challenges we face. Onwards, keep chasing the storm.

Diary of Glass: Entry 2

Big news everybody! (Always wanted to open a blog like that)

So just this past weekend I was able to put the last finishing touches on my first small comic book project, Part-Timer. The project was from the 12 hour comic book challenge back in the Spring, and was something I've been meaning to finish off for sometime now. My hats off to any comic book creators who can pull off the challenge, like Shane Heron and Ricky Lima, who created their sci-fi adventure from this challenge, Black Hole Hunters Club. Great stuff guys! And if you guys have yet to read these books, go here right now and give them a follow. But yeah, I finally finished my little 12 page book. And with that finished, it will be part of the zero issue which I am going to try and finish for Glass Prison, so fans and curious people can get a sneak peak of what to expect from this nightmarish journey. 

So Part-Timer as the name goes is about a part time worker. We follow this nameless dude through out his day, and you get to see how he goes about it. In each page we see what small daily task he is doing at work, and the extreme measure he wants to take to escape them. I don't want to give away any more, but if you have worked a part time job before, then you could probably relate in some way or another. Although the character is also very drastic, you are most likely not as exaggerated. 

So yeah, that's one for the books, onto the next 8 pages and one mighty cover. And all this to be done by next week. Draw, ink, letter and print. Time to make a f*cking comic. Come on Storm Clouds, time to kick some ass! 

Reblog, post and all that other good stuff and of course, keep chasing the storm. 

Argh...

I am going to blame this on writer's block.

Hey everyone, back from the grave and doing really well actually. From the last time I posted, a lot of things have changed for me. In the first place I have recently started my new part time job at Starbucks. Now I know what you'll be thinking, but why? Doesn't it suck? Why? Well let me say, yes I was worried about starting and screwing up there, but I am slowly learning the ropes and I still have not had anyone scar me with a hot cup of java. The thing is, Starbucks is a really cool place to work at for a guy like me, it's not perfect by any stretch and at the end of any shift I am out of breath, but the shifts go by really quickly and they really are cool about working around my schedule. The fact is I wasn't sure if I could manage with barely making enough at conventions and shows, I needed a source of money that I could count on. And you know what Starbucks really looks after it's employees, I get health, dental and vacation benefits. Keep in mind, this is my first job with any kinds of benefits, this is strange to me. Not to mention getting free coffee isn't too shabby either. But yeah I am now working three different jobs, two part time and one full time which is being an artist. And not to mention trying to update this old blog here as well, that's a job in of itself as well.

Also I am getting ready for the last convention this year in Ottawa and I want to try and make a decent scratch there as well, I want to get atleast three new prints for that show. So if you are going to Pop Con in Ottawa, let me know what you would like to see. I am making prints, a few postcards and I got plenty of blank variant books that I am working on as well. I should also warn everyone that I am taking part in this thing called Movember as well, so beware it's coming soon. Fear the stache.

 But yeah thought I would give a little update on what's been going on with me here and I want to keep up on this thing as daily as possible...any bets to see how long that lasts?