Wanted: More Time

I mean really though, don't we all feel this way at this day and age? Remember when we used to be able to have read every book we owned or heard each CD we bought once or twice. Maybe it's content overload or just being easily distracted, I would say it is quite possibly both. I know for sure though that given all the things I am doing these days I am finding myself looking for more time to do it all. I am all ears on any advice on the topic though, so please let me know how I can manage or tips and tricks to handle it all. 

Though I will be the first to admit, I am a consumer. And that probably needs to stop, and only I can truly take care of that situation. But sometimes you try to do something while listening to a podcasts and it gets really good and you stop to pay attention. Does that ever happen to any of you? And what about reading, I want to read more but the only time I get is on my way to work and sometimes I sketch or if I am really drained I will play some video games on my PSP, currently playing Tekken 5: Dark Resurrection. Though I think I am going to leave it behind this week, kind of force myself to read even more. I am trying to do 52 books by the end of the year, so will see how I do. I think making a list here will keep me honest and I can share my progress...or lack there of. 

It probably doesn't help being surrounded by thousands and thousands of Magic cards. I tell you, it is one of the worst and best games ever made. If you have never played, don't start. If you do play it...is it the best?! (I am the human Paradox Engine)

The things I need to do though, for context:

-Get 7-8 hours of sleep every night.
-Wake up everyday at 6:30 AM to get started on the day.
-Make sure my room is clean and tidy.
-Make sure the rest of the house is clean and tidy.
-Posts content on different social media feeds.
-Eat right and on schedule.
-Stay fresh and cleaned up.
-Go to work, I have to leave with roughly two hours for the commute.
-Work for roughly nine hours, sometimes more or sometimes less.
-Back home on the two hour commute.
-Get home, eat some dinner.
-Go to bed at a decent hour and do it all again until the weekend.

Which the weekend can be anything, I don't ever really know what to expect, but I try to do as many things as I possibly can, see people I want to see or perhaps go out for dinner or something. But looking at this now, I can see why I feel short changed for time. Hmm? Well I am going to have to change this up, some way some how.

Thoughts on a Train: Self

Who are you?

It is such a simple yet complex question when you really think about it. And this separates champions and challengers, the champions are the ones who walked into the labyrinth of self and emerged victorious.

But perhaps also there are challengers who stepped in and got lost. Still lost and trying to find the answers.

I was thinking about this last night, identity. Are we who we think we are or the sum of others? What happens when those two are different answer; maybe you aren’t as kind as you think you are or maybe you dislike social interactions and you come off as cold.

But how would you define yourself?

I want to know what is my core and rewire myself to be better. I think that has always been a staple in my own narrative, to be better.

My art has to be better.

Physically I need to be better.

Mentally. Educated. Manners. Rituals. I have to be better.

Is this the evolution of self loathing or just a mask?

But what do you think friends? I would love to hear some thoughts and takes on this dilemma. I am going to continue to work hard each day to improve in every way I can.

Stop Running...

What are you running from?

Who are you running from? 

Is this considered running or hiding? Does it even matter? 

Just thinking out loud. Figured I needed to get back into writing and this is the only way that makes any sense to me. But bare in mind, nothing really ever makes sense, not in my head. I am getting annoyed at myself, a lot more so these days than usual. The idea machine, that is what I have become and it is absolutely useless because I haven't been able to take any action on my ideas. I keep making more and more and more; but with no execution. And that is on me. I could blame the world around me, the systems that look to control our actions and behaviors more and more each day or I can just be honest, look at myself in the mirror. I did this by not doing.

Am I distracted? Disjointed? Derailed? 

I don't know for sure, I actually think the answer is all three. But also the solution is right here as well. I need to write more, I need to write everyday. Easier said than done, I know this because I have tried and failed. But I owe this to my good friend and brother, Jake. Man comes to visit from BC and completely fixes my computer tower back to life. Poor old thing was on the brink of death and was way overdue for an update. I have no excuses now. 

I need to do this now, now more than ever. This week at work I have come to terms with aging, my back is starting to give out. I am going to do my best to stay in shape, take care of posture and most importantly make the most of my time. I have to be better at this. My job is a physical job with heavy lifting that I can't do for more than a year or two. I want to pursue my goals and my own ambitions, it is all that matters. And so I need to remind myself every day and night what I am meant to do, prove it to myself. I have no excuses.

I want to bring my characters, my stories, my worlds to life. 

That is all that is left. I don't know what else I am on this planet for if not bringing my vision to life. And maybe this will all be in vain and fall on deaf ears, but I won't know unless I try. And fail. And try again. And fail. And try again. Again. And again. Until I can't hold a pencil or type a word out, on my deaths bed. No excuses.

If I can do it my dear friend, so can you. 

Can you help me stay sharp? 

Thank you.

The 100

It’s minutes to midnight on a Sunday and I am on my way back home from shooting the latest episode of my challenge series with my brother, Toby. The idea is we just try to do something new every week, and it can be really anything from making clothes to eating the hottest wings in the city or even blind baking as we did tonight. And this is going to sound strange but I am not doing this for you or the views, mostly I am doing this because I want to have memories and moments I can look back at and enjoy. Don’t get me wrong though, if we entertain along the way and we get a crowd, that would be a nice bonus on the rewarding process of this series in general. 

My goal is get to 100 different videos. 

I mean wouldn’t that be something to look back on, 100 different challenges completed. And it’s not impossible, it’s hard and can be a challenge but certainly not impossible. A big reason to attempt this is because I want you to make and upload 100 videos, maybe cooking or baking or even walks in the park or coffee shops around your city. I want you to look and see how amazing your life is and to share that experience with others. There are a billion stories being told everyday, each unique and just as special as the next. 

I better wrap this up, I am back on the grind tomorrow morning! I just want to wish the best kind of energy for everyone starting the week, go get your goals and do the best work you can! I got Free Comic Book Day coming up this weekend in Orangeville and the RAW artist show on the 23rd & 24th this month. Thank you so much for the read and I hope to see you soon, until then keep chasing the storm!

1:49 AM

Ten minutes to 2:00 AM...

February 14th, Valentine's Day, go figure.

Listening to Tyler, The Creator's 2015 album Cherry Bomb. F*****G YOUNG.

So here I am trying to set up my new website over on Wix, and just coming to terms with how little I actually know, but that's why we learn. I have to figure this stuff out fast though, I need to start creating some products and artwork to actually sell and such. But also get the site going and looking as nice as I can, it will be my online portfolio after all, especially if I am trying to look for work and such.

PERFECT feat. Kali Uchis.

I have a lot of work ahead of me, and the worst thought is I am not going to see a dime from it until I finish and put it all out there. Don't know how long I am going to be able to the part timer work, the boredom is sin and it bugs me being away from the things I want to like practice my artwork, improve or learn a new skill and applying it to my own work. F**k this system.

SMUCKERS feat Kanye West & Lil Wayne.

This will all make sense in the end.

Another Storm...

You can try and try again a hundred times, you only quit once.

And with that said, I am back at it and writing again. How is it going internet? It's been awhile for sure but here we are again, trying to keep y'all up to date with all my ins and outs that are happening in my little slice of life on this planet. I think I will try to update more, but keep my posts a little bit shorter than some of my previous posts on this page. I want to be doing more and more in terms of art and comic books, so I will try to be posting here more often. There are also a ton of different comic book content that I would love to share with you, friends creating and some looking for funding on projects and they all deserve your attention and love. So let's help these creators out and make these dreams into reality! 

On my part, I am back in school this semester but I am also working away on my pages for Brewgatory. This has been an extremely big and ambitious project for me and I am learning just how much work is involved with making your own story and bringing it to life. But you know, I am so happy to be perusing this goal and there is nothing I want more than to make this comic book happen. I know it has taken me sometime and I thank you for those who have been anticipating this project, means the world to me, so thank you so much! 

Also I want to take this opportunity to talk about the awesome weekend that was Fan Expo 2018! Always great to see friends and colleagues in the Toronto comic book scene, so much talent and so much creativity! I am happy to be a part of it, truly a blessing. 

Thank you so much storm clouds, will be keeping in touch. Until then, keep chasing the Storm. ;) 

Artificial Sunlight...

So I want to write an update on my mental health, which I feel is important to do on a day to day or at least a week to week basis. Trust me on this, doing a blog or a vlog to stay in check with yourself is one of the many ways to stay on top. I look at my own demons, my own depression, as a constant and never ending fight, I feel like it's something that will never "go away" so I am not going to bother with that idea. That being said I will constantly do my best to beat this and control it, not let it control me and dictate my head space. So I just wanted to talk a few points, for you friends and for future me if I ever get lost.

So I guess the first thing to talk about is the passing of Linkin Park's front man Chester Bennington. I think a lot of us can relate when I say that LP was our language when we were teens, and granted my music choices have changed over the years and I didn't really hear a lot of their new albums and projects in recent years. But when I tell you Hybrid Theory, Meteora, Reanimation and slightly even though my big brother, Fern swears that it was the worst thing ever, Minutes to Midnight. His death is absolutely tragic, especially considering the family and loved ones he leaves behind, and the many of us who grew up with his voice as ours. Yeah, it was angst but when you are a teen, your confused, pissed and lost in the worst kind of way. I hope Chester finds peace and love in the next world. To everyone one of us who has dealt with suicidal thoughts, depression, anxiety or any kind of mental health troubles; now as always we need to take care of one and other, fight as one. 

So if I had to make a suggestions on the best Linkin Park songs, I would say to check out this Spotify playlist I made just for the occasion, here. My personal favourite might be Numb. I always felt a certain pressure growing up to live up to expectations from my old man that I felt I could never do, feeling like a disappointment most of the times. I know now, that what my dad wants most from me is to be a hard working and honest man, everything else is second to that. And yeah, every single day I do my best to be the best me I can be. 

These days have been weird for me, work is there but lately been feeling underwhelmed, if that makes sense. I just want more, the hours this summer have been abysmal at best, so I am in desperate need of more hours and money. But just more from my day to day job as well. Some say I need to be patient, I am still in school for this very reason, to get a degree and get a better job. But I still feel like I can do better. I don't want to seem ungrateful for my current job at Starbucks, the company does a lot of good for it's employees, but I think I just need more. So I think as soon as I get back I will be looking into another part time job, split the time between the jobs and by the new year part ways with the company. I will always remember the experience, and Brewgatory will be there for me to tell many and many of not only my stories but the the stories of the many incredible people I've had the chance to work with. 

Well that's all the time for today, I have to save my thoughts for tomorrow as well. I've also been meaning to try and update my Magic: The Gathering blog, but I find it rather difficult to place thoughts into words when comes to MTG, hell I have a hard time finalising a lot of my Commander decks, how I am going to write about them? But I want to hear back from you reader, what are your favourite Linkin Park tracks? How are you doing these days? Leave a comment below and let's start a conversation here. Thanks again for the read and until then, keep chasing the storm!